Next To Godliness

So, after all that sanitizing, I was feeling a little grimy, so I decided to take a shower. Of course, I hadn't even touched the faucet before I realized what I was doing. Taking a shower? In swine-flu-infested water? Not in this airtight dorm room!

After speedily sealing off my shower head, sink, and drains (how could I have missed them in the first place?!) I felt even dirtier than before. What if some swine flu got on me while I was finishing my quarantine? I needed to figure out some way to bathe if I was going to stay healthy.

Luckily, I sealed myself up with plenty of Lysol and Purell. I've concocted a mixture of the two to maximize cleaning power, and am using what used to be my trash can as a washbasin. Sure, my skin is turning red and starting to burn a little, but it's remarkable refreshing. And, of course, it's clean. Very, very clean.

Antibacterially yours,

- Sam

Sanitize, Sanitize, Sanitize

I've spent the last few hours scrubbing my entire room with Lysol - I just finished the last corner, so I'm taking a break to blog. My room now smells like lemony healthiness. The total lack of air circulation is making me a little bit lightheaded, but I see that as a good sign; it's a swine-flu-free dizziness, and that's totally okay with me.

Eating is proving to be a bit difficult. Of course, I absolutely must wash my hands whenever they come in contact with my mouth - there's no question about that. Swine flu lives in your mouth. However, I forgot to gather any silverware before I sealed myself up. As each and every bite requires me to bring my fingers into terrifyingly close quarters with my mouth, I have a lot of handwashing to do. My skin is dry and flaky and starting to crack, but at least it's clean and bacteria free.

All right - back to the grind. This swine flu won't get rid of itself!

- Sam

And it begins...

At first, like many of you, I didn't think Swine Flu was that big a deal. Some cases way south in Mexico, a few in the states - no big deal, right? WRONG. With cases springing up like weeds, two ill children in the Greater Boston Area, and a World Health Organization warning level of - get this - FIVE, the truth is clear. We're facing a pandemic here, people, and I'm taking action to protect myself.

I've quarantined myself up in my room, and barred the doors against intruders. I've duct taped all the windows and doors, making sure there's no air leakage. I've stockpiled canned food and bottled beverages, and readied a hot plate to kill any water-born bacteria. I'm not leaving my dorm room until the pandemic has passed.

This blog may be my primary means of communication with the outside world throughout this process. I'll use it to keep you all abreast of my status and various precautionary activities. Feel free to use it as a model for your own defensive methods.

Come and get me, Swine Flu. I'm ready for you.

Till later,

- Sam