It's Everywhere!

There's a fat girl named Bessie who lives in my entryway. Could she have swine flu? Is it transmitted through fat people?

Is it transmitted through pork? I've eaten bacon in the past month - could I already have swine flu? As an extra precaution, I've spiked some of my drinking water with disinfectant. It doesn't taste great, and it makes my insides burn a little, but as long as it's also burning the little swine flu microbes to death, I can deal with it.

I'm not sure if swine flu is sexually transmitted, but just in case, I'm wrapped my entire body in condoms. The ones on my hands make it difficult to type (seriously, this entry has taken me entirely too long) and the one over my head makes it difficult to breathe, but they also make me feel safe. I just wished I didn't only have the extra-lubricated ones.

I hear Bessie stomping up the stairs. I better go make sure my door is securely barricaded. Until next time!

- Sam